Are you a drummer who is having trouble getting the perfect sound with your miked drums? Just can't seem to capture the live sound of your drums that you're looking for? Well, if this sounds familiar to you, you need to try the all new "ILLUSION DRUM PORTING KIT." This is not the cheap imitations that you have seen advertised on tv for twice the price. No sir, this is the real thing - the authorized kit, fully endorsed by Anheuser Busch and proudly built to the exacting specifications of three fully intoxicated but well-meaning technicians determined to find a better way to mic drums. The kit comes complete with a carefully measured number of perfectly sized aluminum cylinders. The cylinders then undergo a grueling heating process that will heat the aluminum to temperatures that could, if not carefully supervised, remove the hair from a person's arms (or eyebrows). Then the cylinders are placed on the drum head and worked in a circular motion until a hole has been melted through the bottom head of the drum. The heating process will cut a perfectly manicured hole through the drum head and seal the head at the same time. The hole is carefully sized to allow a microphone to be placed within the drum while still maintaining the full integrity of a properly mounted and tuned bottom head. Order your kit today!!

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